In Ghana, same sex unions are not recognised by law, and are punishable by a prison sentence. The LGBTQIA+ community there not only face discrimination from politicians and law enforcement, but physical assault by the police and general public are commonplace, with few people prosecuted for such crimes. In October 2021, the parliament began to consider an internationally criticised bill which would criminalise homosexuality under family laws, and would also make it illegal to advocate for the rights of the LGBTQIA+ community.
BY EMILY MITCHELL
Nana and Rose, co-hosts of the Two Twos podcast, which they describe as “two black lesbians living in London speaking their unapologetic truth whilst creating a safe space for people like themselves and bridging the gap between LGBT+ people and cis-gendered straight people”, talk to us about the queer British Ghanaian experience, from coming out & family tensions to mental health in the black community and LGBT+ rights in Ghana.
Alex Kofi Donkor is the founder and current director of LGBT+ Rights Ghana, a movement of mostly young LGBTQA persons who are championing a safe, inclusive and free society for LGBTQ persons in Ghana. Alex talks to us about the queer Ghanaian experience, LGBT rights, homophobia, and identity in a country largely intolerant of the community.
“There are certain times where instead of living your truth, you want to be loved. So you make yourself small in order to be loved by the people around you. And that is not the best thing to do. Because then you end up as somebody totally different than the person you're supposed to be. And I decided that I didn't want that. So I decided to live my truth and be who I was.” - Nana
The concept of coming out has always been an integral part of the journey to self-realisation for many LGBTQA+ people. To give everyone some context to your journey, if you’re comfortable answering, how and when did you come out?
Rose: I think it’s about coming out to ourselves at first. For me, that was a very gradual process. I knew from when I was in primary school that I liked girls. And it was something that I wasn't really able to admit to myself because I grew up in the Mormon church, and also had come from a very strict African background as well, where being a member of the LGBT+ community isn’t accepted. So fast forward up until I had my daughter, I was like, if I'm going to be teaching her to be herself, then it’s something I need to come to terms with and I have to be myself as well. And that meant being coming out as a lesbian and just living in my truth. So that's what I did.
Nana: I don't think you can come out until you actually come out to yourself. I definitely suppressed my queerness for years, I just couldn't accept it. Everything that I had been taught about being gay was that, it’s wrong. That it's not natural, you know. I just suppressed it, so much that there was no way I could come out. When I went off to uni I became so isolated, and I was lonely with this huge burden. And I wasn't able to suppress it anymore. It got to the point where it was just brimming over the top, and it had nowhere else to go but out. So I had to come to terms with that and I had to accept myself. I think it was a matter of having to do it. It was a matter of life and death kind of thing. I knew I was going to stay in this state of depression if I wasn’t able to be my true self. And, you know, my friends, for the most part, were quite supportive. It's funny, because like lots of people, I was told it’s a phase, by lots of people including my sister. Being told you're going to grow out of that. My friends were like, but, you're gonna marry a man, right? You're just doing this right now? And it’s like... no. Just no. That's not it. Some people couldn't accept it. My sister outed me because she saw me just being who I was online. She was scared that it would get back to my parents, because of family and friends online. She told my parents and it was just, it wasn't great. It was a hard time. My parents just didn't accept me. When you’re from an African background, it's always hush hush. It’s a situation where you actually want to do the opposite of living your truth; we all want to be loved by family and friends. There are certain times where instead of living your truth, you want to be loved. So you make yourself small in order to be loved by the people around you. And that is not the best thing to do. Because then you end up being somebody totally different to the person that you're supposed to be. And I decided that I didn't want that. So I decided to live my truth and be who I was.
As British Ghanaians, how do you feel you can make the greatest impact in terms of support for the LGBT+ community back home?
Nana: I think the queer community in Ghana have been forced to hide right now. And they need to feel seen in order to validate themselves. So I feel like the protests that were held here at the Ghana High Commission were so important for them to see that we hear them, and develop a sense of community, even if it's outside of Ghana. That's just for their mental health. In terms of how to physically help them, donations and personally reaching out to them as well, and having conversations to learn about their experience.
Rose: We also signed petitions, but, at the end of the day, countries are run by the government. And it's really, really hard to escape that type of legislation.
Nana: I think something that was really hard to hear was the 21 people that got arrested during an assembly where the activists were discussing human rights treatment of LGBT+ people in the country. They were held for so long, and they didn't really know their rights. They didn’t have lawyers to help them and the people that were supposed to help them were against them. And that's one of the huge problems, that you need to have people in place who actually know the law and who are actually going to help queer people. Because a lot of people in Ghana just don't even get the right people to defend them. Even if you're not among the LGBT+ community, you're just stuck in prison for so long. You don’t even get the right to a hearing, court date or anything, which is insane. A lot of them are in prison for longer than the time they would have been sentenced for.
What’s your experience of talking about mental health within black families?
Rose: It definitely wasn't something that we spoke about growing up. It isn’t something that we spoke about, up until my brother passed away last year. I kept these things from my mum in the past, just because of the stigma around mental health. And being seen as crazy if you see a therapist, that it’s shameful. So it just wasn't something I spoke to her about, because it just wasn't going to go the right way. So up until last year, the conversation was definitely heavily stigmatised. I had a diagnosis of depression and anxiety, and I didn’t tell them initially but even now I think that she still doesn't really understand. Obviously, everybody goes through things. And I know that she's gone through things. But still, I just don't think that the way that she acknowledges mental health is the same way that we do. I think that it is very, very hard sometimes to have that conversation because it's not taken that seriously.
Nana: I struggle with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder). I think when I'm having my moments, it's still kind of hard to explain them to my mum, I just don't think that she would understand. And I've tried, but it's very sort of, surface level. So yeah, I think that I just want to find a way where we can get on the same sort of level and actually see that mental health is a serious thing, just like if I got a scrape or a cut, that it would be taken with the same, you know, seriousness. I just don't think that we are there yet.
Rose, what drove you to set up your charity, the Black LGBTQIA+ Therapy Fund?
Rose: It was during the first lockdown. I was having a rubbish time coping with the lockdown, my world being turned upside down, like so many others. It was around the time where George Floyd was killed too. We were just seeing so much trauma from every single angle. Racism, homophobia… it was also pride month which for some reason that year was extra homophobic. I felt like you know, if I’m feeling like this somebody else must be too. And I thought to start this charity up to help two people get some therapy and it was meant to be £1000 that I was going to raise. And it ended up being £80,000. And now this is an organisation that's helping lots of people to get therapy. But yeah, it was literally because I just recognised how I was feeling. And I just knew that I wasn't alone.
It’s hard to be comfortable with your identity when it’s something you can’t see represented on our screens. How important is representation for the black queer community, and do you have any recommendations for queer black reads or watches?
Nana: The thing is we do get representation. That’s still few and far between but it’s usually stateside (e.g. Pose), so we don't see black British queer people on our screens too often, and I think that is a huge problem. I think when it comes to books, Sister Outsider by Audrey Lorde. Its full of feminist theories and comes from a queer black woman. It’s a really really good book. And of course, Girl, Woman, Other, the one obviously is the first book that I read, and I was like, Oh, my God, black queer London.
Rose: You know I think that's why people listen to the podcast as well, because they hear a familiar voice. A lot of the time the comments we get is that its great to hear a familiar voice that people hear in their everyday life.
In terms of books, I’d recommend Black, gay, British, Christian and Queer, which is a new book by the Reverend Jarrell Robertson-Brown, who is a Reverend in the Church of England. We met him at the protests at the Ghana High Commission. And he's really nice. He's really, really cool. AZ Mag is great as well at highlighting issues and promoting young creatives and offering grants and stuff like that. But there are so many stories on their website of black queer experiences too.
“That mantra “go where love is”, I think having people around you who are supportive and who care about you and who won't just, you know, sort of say things to agree with you. People who are going to be honest with you as well and transparent with you. That is so important. Because you know it just comes from a place of love.” - Nana
Do you have any kind of advice for other members of the community on how to take care of yourself when things are difficult in our society? What kind of action do you take to nurture your own mental health?
Rose: Recording the podcast is definitely one thing that helps me right now. When we get in the studio we’re feeling good about ourselves, and when we leave we’re buzzing. We always feel better afterwards. If you know me, I love my skincare routine! After this interview I’m going to have a face mask, I'm going to relax. I love that. Also, people should make sure they have hobbies as well. Hobbies are yours, they are your source of joy. Nobody can take that away from you! When things are not going right in life, that’s something you can turn to. My hobby right now is eating. I’m eating some food and food makes me happy.
Nana: I would say like taking walks. I feel like it's so simple, but it can do you the world of good, especially if the weather’s nice. Taking a break from things is so important because the world moves so quickly. Sometimes you just need a break. So going out for a walk is definitely a good one. And surrounding yourself with love. That mantra “go where love is”, I think having people around you who are supportive and who care about you and who won't just, you know, sort of say things to agree with you. People who are going to be honest with you as well and transparent with you. That is so important. Because you know it just comes from a place of love. I think that is definitely good for your mental health.
Alex Kofi Donkor
The concept of coming out has always been an integral part of the journey to self-realisation for many LGBTQIA+ people. To give everyone some context to your journey, if you’re comfortable answering, how and when did you come out?
I didn’t come out until 2016 after I had this fight with my brother, where he outed me. Before that, I had already thought of instances or situations where my sexuality might come up. Part of processing all those experiences was also the point where I thought of instances where I might be outed, because of the society in which I live in. I also put defence mechanisms in place, should I fall into any of these situations. One of the things that I began doing was to talk about human rights issues in general. I was always talking about issues, whether it was women's rights, children's rights, LGBT rights, disability rights for example. And these things that you hardly hear Ghanaians speak about. My general human rights activism took that direction. And I was always speaking from that angle, from the brutality and abuses that people see in Ghana. Because I felt like eventually my family would find out about my sexuality. So I was always looking for an opportunity to tell them that I’m gay, you know. But I couldn’t find an opportunity to do that. And it really seemed difficult to sit them down and just tell them about my sexuality.
Most of my family members are also religious, and are intolerant towards LGBTQ issues and people, and to the extent where they make a lot of very hateful comments about the community. So, when my brother outed me, at that moment I just thought that this is an opportunity finally have that conversation. So when he said I was gay, I said yes I’m gay, I have always been gay. And no member of my family can deny the fact that I am different from everyone here. But really, what relevance is it that I am gay? There's nothing wrong with me. And so, for those who want to be part of my life, nothing has changed. I'm still the same person. But if for some reason, my sexuality is a problem, for any one of my family members, then I am sorry, but that is on them. If you choose to be homophobic, that is on you. If you can’t accept me for who I am, I have nothing to do with that. I was ready to cut anybody off if they were ready to just leave. Like this particular brother of mine, I just cut him off that day, because I've also told him that he should never speak about my issues. If he has a problem with me being gay as a brother, he shouldn't consider me as a brother. Nobody spoke about it after that. Even now, everybody's silent about it.
“Our overall goal was to create a safe and inclusive society for LGBTQ+ persons, where our rights are respected and also protected.”
You've created an amazing space with LGBT Rights Ghana. But what was it like when that was shut down earlier this year?
LGBT Rights Ghana started off in 2018 initially as a cyber activism blog to amplify the voices of LGBTQ people and the issues within the Ghanaian LGBTQ+ community. Prior to 2018, you didn’t really have the ability in the UK or the US to get information about LGBT issues in Ghana. Most of the things that you hear are mostly homophobic rhetorics from anti-LGBTQ groups here, along with religious groups, politicians and some opinionated leaders, who for some reason try to always project hate towards the community. They always incite or sensationalise the issues which are given back to the public to consume them.
The LGBT community are scapegoated, as a way for the politicians to get away with corrupt rulings and their corrupt lives. Social media was a way to bring the community together and strengthen our voices to cause change, because the idea was to give as much information as possible to the community so that they can process this information, and then also make informed decisions about themselves and see how best we can rally for change. I decided that if we are really going to change things, then we'll really need leadership and faces behind the cyberactivism. Our overall goal was to create a safe and inclusive society for LGBTQ persons, where our rights are respected and also protected. In January 2021 we were able to open the physical space up and assess some of the services that we intend to have in the space, like psychological and legal services, workshops, training and empowerment programmes and initiatives. All to just strengthen the community and build it to the point where we are economically, psychologically and socially strong.
Right after opening the space, we shared the images on social media platforms, then an anti-LGBT group in Ghana called ‘the National Coalition for Proper Human Sexual Rights and Family Values’. They called for the president and then also the police to shut the space down. This caused an immediate confrontation with us in the media, which led to a lot of backlash from a lot of Ghanaians because all this while there has been increased homophobia which has been embedded in the social fibre of Ghana.
“When you look at the Ghanaian traditions, you realise that there are remnants of queerness, that have always been accepted, tolerated, and to some extent, celebrated in our culture.”
Growing up around traditional Ghanaian culture, how do you see your LGBTQ+ identity in relation to these values?
When you look at Ghanaian culture it has always been diverse. Many tribes came together to form Ghana and within all these cultures are diversity, tolerance and acceptance that comes within those spaces. Some cultures even celebrate this diversity, especially in coastal areas of Ghana. There, they've always revered people who are male by birth, but are also effeminate or have effeminacy among them; they've always celebrated them as being creative, being different. In Ghana, God is not male, they describe God as male and female. And so within these cultures, they also see individuals who express or manifest these qualities of a male and female as being the mediator between God and man. In the northern part of Ghana, there is a traditional dance called the Bower dance. And this Bower dance is performed by men who dress in women clothes, and this was an instruction from the gods. When you look at the Ghanaian traditions, you realise that there are remnants of queerness, that have always been accepted, tolerated, and to some extent, celebrated in our culture. But what we’re beginning to see in our culture now is Christian ideology, Christian interpretations what is male and female, and anything that falls outside of binary is considered as evil and demonic. Ghanaian tribal culture has always been diverse, and has been accommodating, accepting and tolerant of diversity.
There’s an ongoing conversation now about whether we have an obligation as minorities to educate people with discriminatory opinions. Do you feel like you have a responsibility to educate people?
Every human needs to open themselves up to education. A lot of Ghanaians are ignorant about LGBT issues, so these people need education in order to understand these issues from the perspective of the community. But we can’t ignore the fact that there are others refusing to be educated. No matter the level of education that you give these people, they may not be ready and willing to let go of their ignorance or let go of their hate and bigotry. With people like that there is little or nothing that a human rights advocate or activist can do. You cannot live your whole life trying to educate an individual who is not willing to be educated. I believe that with people like that, you have to just let go and concentrate on those who are willing and ready to listen, learn, unlearn and relearn.
As someone at the forefront of the LGBTQ+ rights movement in Ghana, what do you think is the most important thing others can do from abroad to help the current situation in Ghana? Are there any forms of activism you’ve seen be particularly successful?
One of the luxuries that we have is also to use social media as a tool to register our displeasure. There is also organising happening in person. But for now, for security reasons, those details can’t be out in public. Those who find themselves within groups or platforms that are exclusively created, or LGBTQ will see that these groups are continuously organising physical meetings to challenge the status quo, the laws and the bigotry here in Ghana. But outside of Ghana, I think it’s important to remember that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice. If we allow for injustice to continue to thrive, in any society, that is a recipe for disaster. The struggle of Ghana remains a struggle in Europe or Asia or Middle East. The dynamics might be different, but it's still the same struggle. Those who are in another country like the UK can protest physically without them being prosecuted; we can’t protest here in Ghana. There are those who can financially support the people who have been affected as a result of the struggle, and there is also the importance of amplifying our voices, putting the narrative at the forefront of national issues. It is also good if these groups are able to know what they can do to support the country that is affected. If you leave all the effort with the groups in the affected country to direct how things proceed, they are already struggling and sometimes they don’t even have the time or energy to do all of this. If foreign groups can help to think through and come up with suggestions to share with those in need, this can make the work easier for the affected group.
Do you have any advice for people in the community that are feeling drained and burnt out by all the situations they’re facing? How do you take care of your own mental health?
It can be very, very difficult, especially if you are at the forefront of these issues. When you are the go-to person when issues come up, especially in a particular field when you find yourself as an activist. But I believe that there is also the need for one to be aware of the fact that one needs rest if they have to. If one feels tired, then one should rest. Once you are well-rested, it gives you more time to think about the struggle and gives you time and energy to strategise and come back even stronger.